jude, don't lose yourself in finding your other self

you are fucking self centered. you don't spare a thought for others who care about you. its always about you. its always how u pretend to play up your self pity and get others to accomodate. i've had enough. you know how i always give in despite how much i complain. i don't want to keep comparing your actions with mine. cuz i'm a guy and you're a girl. i listen to everything u say. you don't have to. you just need to be pampered. you just need people to be there for you. and in time to come, when you don't need me, kick me away and not battle an eyelid. do that. i just wanna prove myself right. i just want to see how all this nonsense ends.

you sulk when i suggest stuff that you don't wanna do. sometimes for no reason at all. and when i don't like doing something, you'll still go ahead and do, cuz you know i'll follow and be magnanimous about it. you are a piece of shit.

you know from the very start i'll stay away from girls like you, and you'd stay from guys like me, why then, why on earth did you have to play up your outdoor-zy side and have me draw my guard down, breaking my promise of not dating a smoker. i have only myself to blame. myself to blame for kidding myself, for believeing that true love exist. it doesn't! Fuck! Its just a show. its just a masquarade. thats what you are.

now i don't know when you've lied and when you're telling the truth. you are a liar. and will forever be. i just hope i can trust you like before. before i knew the whole you. you suck.

sinsiu says: she is not a keeper

sinsiu says:
do you tink she will ask more of you
sinsiu says:
like she wanna smoke more
sinsiu says:
she will wan you to tolerate her more
sinsiu says:
she wan you to understand her more due to her tight schedules
sinsiu says:
do you tink she will juz be plain demanding
sinsiu says:
and tink tat it is not wrong
sinsiu says:
cos she bloody has a singapore idol
sinsiu says:
which she tinks that it is so great...
sinsiu says:
i dunno
sinsiu says:
wad you tink?
sinsiu says:
will you be able to tolerate those?
sinsiu says:
do you tink she might like anyone from the singapore idol?
sinsiu says:
she will spend less time with you
sinsiu says:
and say tat it is part of the training
sinsiu says:
can you tolerate if she kept telling you she is tired to go out
sinsiu says:
or to church due to the singapore idol
sinsiu says:
and then she instead have time for mahjongs

True that sometimes avoiding the problem will make you less emo.

But if that problems remain there, its like a crack on a cup, no matter how many times u mend or ignore, it does not disappear and someday you will get tired of that crack and explode. That will make things go out of proportion and it's something I will want to avoid.

When emotions get the better of us, we tend to do things/say stuff that we might regret in the future. I have enough regrets in life already, so I rather accept the problem and try to solve it. There is no perfect solution but I believe there is a best solution to all problems.

So J, avoiding the problem may not be the best option after all. You need to have the courage to face and solve it. That way, differences can be understood and (hopefully) turn for the better.

Emo. You.(me)

No, this is not gonna be an emo post. Its about the right of being emo. I guess you need to realise that when you emo, nobody's gonna help you, not your other half, not even yourself. If you don't calm your nerves, and stop thinking about the worst case senarios, nothing will ever turn out right for you. Heard this today which I sorta realised it. Revenge is very viscious, it robs you of your happiness and eats you from inside. And before you know it, you would already have become very bitter.

Forgetting the past and not talking about it can be quite relieving too! But there is always the small pea that you know is under your 20storey high bed and can't sleep well. Oh well

The story never ends

An ending is a begining for someone else.

I finally understood. I finally learned to trust my intuition cuz its always right. I lie to myself the most number of times. I always know the answers to the questions that I ask, but I just ask them anyway.

Now I know why there are so many things that I'd give up for you, and yet there are none that you'd give up for me. Now I know why there are times you can just totally forget about my existence. Now I know why there are so many times you'd do stuff that saddens me, but you just do it anyway. Now I know my fears are not unfounded. Go ahead and treat me like a stand in. Go ahead and call on me only when you have nobody else to call upon. Go ahead and cry on my shoulder when you can't find any one else to find comfort in. Go ahead and use me. Go ahead and bask in my love. Please do. And after it all, say thank you and leave. Go away.

I thought it was real. I believed that it was real. I think I have the ultimate power of bluffing myself. The end is near. I'm smelling it. And when that day comes, I think I can never trust another again.