I don't know if this is called Love

i really don't

sometimes, i don't know if you really love me. sometimes i don't know if i'm just a passing phase in your life.

but yet at other times, i feel that you really do give a damn about me.

God, tell me if I'm wrong about her, or my initial conclusions about her were so true and i just chose to ignore it.

i think we're totally 2 different people, totally at disagreements with each other, over most issues and lifestyle options. i don't see a future with you.

why am i still in? maybe i'm just waiting for you to walk out on me.

somethings in life will just not work out the way you want them to

so live with it.

the things that you'll do for someone, may not be the things that the someone will do for you. giving is never expecting in return. if something good comes your way, thank God for his grace that makes it happen.

sometimes its not anyone's fault. i used to think that when something goes wrong, its usually the fault of 2 parties, but now i'm thinking it can also be no one's fault. things just happen they way they will. its supposed to. its some form of lesson that is necessary. and these things make you appreciate the other aspects of life better.

from today onwards, i'll try my very best not to go out of my way for you. i'll try my best not to love you as much as i do. i'll try to do the things that i'd normally do, independent of you. i'll take your "yes" as a "no" and if it turns out to be a yes, i'll just be happy.

i'll lower my expectations, so that there'll be higher satisfaction. today was a good example. taking your "maybe i'll have dinner with you" for "i won't be having dinner with you". and when it turned out to be what i expected, i felt better.

so long jude. life is short. live it for yourself.

Forest Gump: Life is like a box of chocolates

you'll never know what you gonna get until you bite in.

is that life? is it some thing that you'll never be able to see the end of the road? the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? is it something that you just put blind hope in and hope for the best? that you'll just see what happens and take things as they come?

i'm never able to see the future. not at all. you don't give me any reason to see that glimmering light at the end of the tunnel. or maybe not tunnel. sometimes i think it'll all end somehow and it'll just be a dream that will be hard to erase.

its again the things that i'd do for you but you'd never do for me. its again how you don't know that you are treating me second best. its again how you never fail to disappoint me when you change things and events that are planned(no matter how small), to your whim and fancy.

sometimes it doesn't make any difference with or without you.

this is the blind hope, the blind faith i put in us. the hope that one day both of us will never be sad cuz of the other party. i think that's sad.

does the happy times overwrite the depressing one?

love is like ocd. and i don't like it. i used to have so much control, not anymore.

a turn?

there is this bend on the road. it leads to somewhere i cannot see right now, but i still want to go ahead and see where it leads me to. i don't know if this road is a path i should be on in the first place. life is a joke, a game, a gamble. times are happier now. i want them to last. i want you to be my last.

a question

can 2 people who are not entirely suited for each other still love each other honestly and truthfully and regardlessly?

Just suddenly feel like posting.

Is it just me or did sun finally decided to change her attitude towards me??

jude, don't lose yourself in finding your other self

you are fucking self centered. you don't spare a thought for others who care about you. its always about you. its always how u pretend to play up your self pity and get others to accomodate. i've had enough. you know how i always give in despite how much i complain. i don't want to keep comparing your actions with mine. cuz i'm a guy and you're a girl. i listen to everything u say. you don't have to. you just need to be pampered. you just need people to be there for you. and in time to come, when you don't need me, kick me away and not battle an eyelid. do that. i just wanna prove myself right. i just want to see how all this nonsense ends.

you sulk when i suggest stuff that you don't wanna do. sometimes for no reason at all. and when i don't like doing something, you'll still go ahead and do, cuz you know i'll follow and be magnanimous about it. you are a piece of shit.

you know from the very start i'll stay away from girls like you, and you'd stay from guys like me, why then, why on earth did you have to play up your outdoor-zy side and have me draw my guard down, breaking my promise of not dating a smoker. i have only myself to blame. myself to blame for kidding myself, for believeing that true love exist. it doesn't! Fuck! Its just a show. its just a masquarade. thats what you are.

now i don't know when you've lied and when you're telling the truth. you are a liar. and will forever be. i just hope i can trust you like before. before i knew the whole you. you suck.